House envy: it stops you in your tracks and it makes you think….
What must it be like to live in a house with so much space and in such luxury?
To live in such a beautiful street, in a historical building with such fabulous views. To actually live there and be part of that ‘exclusive’ community.
Imagine waking up every morning to a garden that is always in bloom, the windows clean, driveway immaculate, paintwork perfect.
Every evening to glide through a large hallway into big open, flowing spaces into a state of the art tidy and spacious kitchen.
The perfect home.
House envy is deeply rooted in our psyche.
You suddenly see what you don’t have because it’s there, right in front of you.
And then you think: how sad and how depressing your own home looks by comparison.
Social comparison theory suggests that when we compare ourselves to others we perceive ( all too clearly) where we stand.
An obvious disparity may prompt negative feelings of inadequacy and worth. Of somehow being left out or left behind; inferior, and less successful.
An unfulfilled longing, house envy is the perception of a physical and social separation. There are the lucky people who get to live there and the rest of us – who don’t.
On the other hand, downward social comparison helps us to see how far we have come; what we have that others don’t. This reinforces our sense of security, our values and position. If we are content, we are not looking for anything more.
House envy raises its head in different ways.
Beautiful houses often command fabulous locations on lakes and mountain tops, in cities, picturesque villages and by the sea. They are part of the landscape and history of a place. They may be houses that look like they come straight out of a story book, or film; romantic, extraordinary, impressive and unique.
Big, or bijou, a beautiful home can provoke an instant visceral yearning for a place, and space that you would love to live.
Even just for a day.
There is something really special about a place that looks right, feels right.. is right. A house that exudes confidence, personality and presence. It speaks directly to you because it is a home that fits exactly with your social aspirations and taste.
It is a crushing blow to our self esteem; we know that house ( like so many others) will never be part of our life.
House envy is that aching recognition of a sense of loss.
Very wealthy people can buy in the best locations and use top architects and designers to create a perfect home. And they can afford ‘people’ to maintain it so it always looks perfect.
But even very wealthy people suffer from house envy – and yacht envy because there is always someone with a better, bigger, more expensive house.
That feeling of envy is not all bad.
It may motivate us to work towards having something better, or to improve what we already have.
A home that is truly unique will occupy a particular location, in a setting, age, history, craftsmanship that cannot be replicated. But, house envy dissonance may be satisfied (somewhat) by creating home that looks and feels something the same.
A Georgian townhouse.. Italian villa.. Tudor pile… Art Deco mansion?
Marketing a newly designed home with implied status, may come in the style of a… Gentleman’s seat, Ambassador’s residence, Country abode.
It may be situated in a development called: The Demesne.. Manor.. Hall.. Park… Village..Pallisades. Each house with a prestigious sounding title: The Mayfair.. The Gloucester…The Cotwolds..
Re-styled architecture feeds people’s desire for something timeless, substantial and important. A home that speaks of quality, that looks the part.
House envy can be a driver for change.
House envy forces people to take a deep look at their relationship with their own home.
What do we want? What can we afford? How can it be better?
Tidying up will improve the look and feel of a space but a more radical approach, such as adding an extension, new fixtures fittings or new technology, will further develop its potential.
And if that makes you feel good it will add value to your home and joy to your life
‘House envy’ sells interior design magazines.
It is always gratifying, flattering and hugely satisfying when someone admires our home. We see it is a validation of our worth, our taste and experience.
People who are proud of their home are keen to share their story with others. Every “Before” and “After” renovation shows what can be achieved through effort, determination and an end-goal.
For all that I enjoy watching celebrity house videos and TV shows about expensive homes. there is a certain sameness to it all – a lot of beige and greige. Luxury homes often look more like a hotel or a curated museum than somewhere to actually live.
Wealthy people use design to project their status. Their home must say: this is me.
When the interior wow factor is pushed and pushed there must come a point when there is only so big and so expensive that you can go: the biggest rooms, most expensive fittings, the highest tech in the pursuit of something that no-one else has yet, that soon everyone will want.
House envy is inextricably linked to materialism, consumption and design.
It follows that quality design is what we aspire to and desire.
Design feeds our desire for something new.
When a new idea catches on it is driven by a consumption-led ‘must have’ frenzy.
A visit to a friend’s home can suddenly bring on the green-eyed monster. Their house is bigger, has more sophisticated gadgetry and expensive brands. It gets the sun all day long and looks more up to date.
You suddenly realise you are missing out.
But… if they can do it, it must be do-able.
If this is what people like us have… why can’t we have it?
Popularised by design magazines, fed by social media, marketed and made available by retail, this is how design/style trends creep into our homes.
An individual’s ‘taste’ can often be heavily influenced by their desire to be ‘on trend’. Once you get the look that is ‘right now, you feel more secure because you have what everyone else has. You are the same, you are on a par.
As a certain design element trends (the colour of fence, skirting boards, type of brick, window frame, white hydrangeas ) you see it around more and more. And then everywhere.
The wood-burning stove…the bi-folding doors… the shutter blinds.
Faux panelled walls, tongue and groove, walls in Farrow and Ball paint combos, woven plant pots….
There will always be those at the forefront of the trend… and those who come that bit later. But, once a trend reaches saturation point it will pass and your once perfect interior may start to look passé.
House envy is the almost impossible pursuit of perfection.
This calls into question the unholy alliance of how design, marketing and business continually push new trends to create consumer demand.
A holistic and greener approach to design looks at reducing, re-using and recycling materials. That is: adopting a rationalised, ethical approach to design that is less focus on trends. This ensures that a house can be adapted and updated with more quality and lasting improvements.
House envy goes so deep that we can fall in love with a house that we have never been to – and/or doesn’t actually exist.
Richly evocative, descriptive writing from a book, an AI image, an illustration, a play, film or TV show can be so persuasive it can feel real.
The ability to create an imaginary place so that it captures viewers’ hearts and minds is the mark of a talented writer, artist or production designer. The homes in Bewitched, Downton Abbey, The Great Gatsby…feel real.
House envy changes as we get older.
I used to dream that just about any National Trust property with stables and orangerie, ballroom and grand sitting rooms might one day be mine.
Now I just think: the upkeep… the bills…all those empty rooms to clean and to heat!
I appreciate rather than envy the quality of a space and the skills in putting it all together. I can admire a beautiful home without seeing myself living there.
Through my lived experience I have a more practical and realistic sense of what I want and need and can afford in a home. Most of all: I know how lucky I am to have a home when so many people do not..
The streets of Dublin, London or Edinburgh are full buildings of great beauty, history and design, that have been conserved and lived in. These areas are expensive and exclusive but they add a refined quality of design and life to a city that reinforces a sense of the history and unique character of that place.
House envy is not always about bigger and better.
Some may eschew an expensive lifestyle for the freedom of living in a tiny house, or a camper van, or living off grid. Unshackled by belongings is an alternative lifestyle that gives people more control over how they want to live – rather than feel how they should live.
Perhaps the answer to house envy is a a residential cruise? Or cat sitting – whereby you get to live in someone else’s beautiful house and get paid for it.
Or you can escape from reality and live the life by the pool, on the mountaintop, in the castle.. That amazing Air BnB can be yours just for a day.
