By the age of nine I knew all about house envy.
Every week our school bus would drive through a more affluent area of the city. With lots of very beautiful houses along the way we would play a game: which house was ‘Mine’ – and who saw it first.
From so many, which one to pick?
Rumours that one house had gold taps and a centrally heated driveway, another had a swimming pool, greatly excited us.
The ‘swanky’ one set in lush and private grounds…. or the ‘massive’ with a view over Belfast lough… or the ‘modern’ with the beautiful bay window – for the Christmas tree.
‘My house’ had to have big windows, an impressive driveway and a beautiful garden and it had to look ‘important’. Because that’s what I would be when I grew up.
For sure, ‘My house’ had to inspire house envy.
House envy: it stops you in your tracks and it makes you think….
What must it be like to live in a house with so much space and in such luxury?
To live in such a beautiful street, in a historical building with such fabulous views. To live there and be part of that ‘exclusive’ community.
Imagine waking up every morning to a garden that is always in bloom, the windows clean, driveway immaculate, paintwork perfect.
Every evening to glide through a large hallway into big open, flowing spaces into a state of the art tidy and spacious kitchen.
The perfect home.
House envy is deeply rooted in our psyche.
You suddenly see what you don’t have because it’s there, right in front of you; the gap – the gulf – between lifestyles.
And then you think: how sad and how depressing your own home looks by comparison.
Social comparison theory suggests that when we compare ourselves to others we perceive ( all too clearly) where we stand.
An obvious disparity may prompt negative feelings of inadequacy and worth. Of somehow being left out or left behind; inferior, and less successful.
An unfulfilled longing, house envy is a perceived physical and social separation. There are the lucky people who get to live there and the rest of us – who don’t.
On the other hand, downward social comparison helps us to see how far we have come; what we have that others don’t. This reinforces our sense of security, our values and position. And if we are content, we are not looking for anything more.
House envy raises its head in different ways.
Beautiful houses often command fabulous locations on lakes and mountain tops, in cities, picturesque villages and by the sea. They are part of the landscape and history of a place. Houses that look like they come straight out of a story book, or film; romantic, extraordinary, impressive and unique.
Big, or bijou, a beautiful home can provoke an instant visceral yearning for a place, and space that you would love to live.
Even just for a day.
There is something really special about a place that looks right, feels right.. is right. A house that exudes confidence, personality and presence. It speaks directly to you because it is a home that fits exactly with your social aspirations and taste.
It is a crushing blow to our self esteem to realise that house ( like so many others) will never be part of our life.
House envy is that aching recognition of a sense of loss.
There is always someone with something better, bigger, more expensive.
Even very wealthy people suffer from upward social comparison of house envy – and yacht envy.
The difference is: wealthy people can buy in the best locations and use top architects and designers to create a perfect home. And they can afford ‘people’ to maintain it so it always looks perfect.
That feeling of envy is not all bad.
It may motivate us to want to have what someone else has and work towards getting it.
A home that is truly unique has a very particular location, setting, age, history, craftmanship that cannot be replicated. But house envy dissonance may be satisfied (somewhat) by a home that looks and feels something the same.
A Georgian townhouse.. Italian villa.. Tudor pile… Art Deco mansion?
Such as a home with all the ready-designed implied status in the style of a… Gentleman’s seat, Ambassador’s residence, Country abode.
For added grandeur it may be marketed as (and squeezed into) a development called: The Demesne.. Manor.. Hall.. Park… Village..Pallisades. A house with a prestigious sounding title: The Mayfair.. The Gloucester…The Cotwolds..
Re-styled architecture feeds people’s desire for something timeless, substantial and important. A home that speaks of quality, it looks the part.
House envy can be a driver for change.
House envy forces people to take a deep look at their relationship with their own home.
What do we want? What can we afford? How can it be better?
Even a tidy up will improve everyday spatial experiences. But a more radical approach, such as an extension, new fixtures fittings or new technology will address the potential of the space.
A (re-)designed home is a better organised, ordered and functional space. And that makes you feel good. As seen on TV design will add value to your home and joy to your life There is such a thing as self-enhancement – by design.
‘House envy’ sells interior design magazines.
It is gratifying, flattering and hugely satisfying when someone admires our home. We see it is a validation of our worth, our taste and experience – and of how well we look after it.
People who are proud of their home are keen to share their story with others. That is why every “Before” and “After” renovation shows what can be achieved through effort, determination and an end-goal.
I for one thoroughly enjoy watching celebrity house videos and I am fascinated by shows about expensive homes.
But there is a certain sameness to it all – a lot of beige and greige. Luxury homes can look more like a hotel or a curated museum than somewhere to actually live.
Wealthy people use design to project their status. Their home must say: this is me.
When the interior wow factor is pushed and pushed there must come a point when there is only so big and so expensive that you can go. Bigger rooms, gold fittings, crystal chandeliers…the finest, the best. Envy, envy.
It comes down to the pursuit of ‘that something’ that no-one else has yet – that soon everyone will want.
House envy is inextricably linked to materialism, consumption and design.
If high end homes are the highest quality of design that money and contemporary design can buy, it follows that is what the rest of us will aspire to and desire.
Design feeds our desire for something new.
Whenever a new idea catches on it is driven by a consumption-led ‘must have’ frenzy.
That’s why a visit to a friend’s home can suddenly bring on the green-eyed monster. Their house is tidier, bigger, it has more sophisticated gadgetry and expensive brands. It gets the sun all day long and looks more up to date.
You suddenly realise you are missing out.
But… if they can do it, it must be do-able.
If this is what people like us have… why can’t we have it?
Popularised by design magazines, fed by social media, marketed and made available by retail, design/style trends creep into our homes.
An individual’s ‘taste’ can often be heavily influenced by their desire to be ‘on trend’. Once you get the look that is ‘right now, you may feel more secure because you have what everyone else has. You are the same, you are on a par.
As a certain design element trends (the colour of fence, skirting boards, type of brick, window frame, white hydrangeas ) you start to see it around more and more. And then everywhere.
The wood-burning stove…the bi-folding doors… the shutter blinds.
Faux panelled walls, tongue and groove, walls in Farrow and Ball paint combos, woven plant pots….
There will always be those at the forefront of the trend… and those who come that bit later. Once a trend reaches saturation point it will pass. At which point your once perfect interior may start to look passé and lose something of its envy status.
House envy is the almost impossible pursuit of perfection.
This calls into question the unholy alliance of how design, marketing and business continually push new trends to create consumer demand. With focus on the ‘new’ this naturally generates a lot of waste.
A holistic and greener approach to design looks at reducing, re-using and recycling materials. That is: adopting a rationalised, ethical approach to design less focus on trends. This ensures that a house should be adapted and updated with more quality and lasting improvements.
House envy goes so deep that we can fall in love with a house that we have never been to – and/or doesn’t actually exist.
Rich, evocative, descriptive writing from books. An AI image, an illustration, a play, film or TV show can be so persuasive as a space and place it can feel real.
Imagine having being able to think-up and create that place so that it captures viewers’ hearts and minds. This is the mark of t a talented writer, artist or production designer.
When we believe in the characters and in the story we wholeheartedly believe in that space and place. Even though it’s not real and it never existed.
Bewitched, Downton Abbey, The Great Gatsby…
The good news is … house envy changes as we get older.
At the age of nine I used to dream that just about any National Trust property with stables and orangerie, ballroom and grand sitting rooms might one day be mine.
Now I just think: the upkeep… the bills…all those empty rooms to clean and to heat!
I appreciate rather than envy the quality of a space and the skills in putting it all together. I can admire admire a beautiful home without seeing myself living there.
Through lived experience I have a more practical and realistic sense of what I want and need and can afford in a home. Most of all: I know how lucky I am to have a home when so many people do not..
House envy can make you envious – and yet strangely proud.
Walking through streets of beautiful homes in Dublin, Greenwich or Edinburgh we see buildings of great beauty, history and design, conserved and lived in. While these areas are expensive and exclusive they add a refined quality of design and life to a city. This reinforces a sense of history and character unique to that place.
House envy it is not always about bigger and better.
Some may eschew an expensive lifestyle for the freedom of living in a tiny house, or a camper van, or living off grid unshackled by belongings. It’s an alternative lifestyle that gives people control over how they want to live – rather than feel how they should live.
Perhaps the answer to house envy is a a residential cruise? Or cat sitting – whereby you get to live in someone else’s beautiful house and get paid for it.
To satisfy the immediate pangs of house envy you can temporarily buy the fantasy.
Escape from reality and live the life by the pool, on the mountaintop, in the castle.. That amazing Air BnB can be yours just for a day.
